Hardness

Things that are hard:
- Moving back home, even temporarily
- Being full-time job-less
- Sorting through a life's worth of pack-ratting
- Deciphering what keepsakes just need to go for the sake of my mental state
- Making plans for the future
- Trusting in Jesus
- Hoping in Jesus
- Waiting on Jesus

I complain enough out loud, so this post really shouldn't be saturated in discontent. But you know how sometimes you just have to voice what's going on? Sometimes when I am wrestling with life and its contents, I feel even more overwhelmed knowing that no one knows.

So here's what's going on, people.

I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I need to work out my future, and that if I don't, no one will.

I am disappointed in some of the people in my life, both near and far.

I find myself having a hard time forgiving, both myself and others.

I am overcome with doubt recently; doubt that people can change, that situations can change, that I can change. That He can transform all things.

The common theme in all those?

I am having a very hard time remembering the size and the might of the God we serve. 

I am not in the place I imagined myself being at 9 days from 22, and frequently fall victim to the lie that because I am not where I planned, I have been left to fend for myself.

I have yet to figure out where blogging helps or blogging hurts.

So, please pardon my absence. Or pardon my too-frequent presence. Whichever it ends up being.

"For the sake of my servant Jacob,
    and Israel my chosen,
I call you by your name,
    I name you, though you do not know me.
⁵ I am the Lord, and there is no other,
    besides me there is no God;
    I equip you, though you do not know me,
⁶ that people may know, from the rising of the sun
    and from the west, that there is none besides me;
    I am the Lord, and there is no other.
⁷ I form light and create darkness,
    I make well-being and create calamity,
    I am the Lord, who does all these things."
                             Isaiah 45:4-7