Hey Home

Sometimes I just wander around the apartment complex I'm staying in, the campus of my university, the city I live in (okay not really), and the state of California as a whole. Yesterday I found myself wandering to the parking garage, wandering into my car, and wandering seven hours north to home. Yep. It was semi-planned, it was semi un-planned.

It's how I roll.

See, this year I have been shown very clearly how important it is for me to avoid situations that will elevate my anxiety or cause my brain to spin faster than it should. For example, during the week I found myself lying alone in the apartment on my temporary bed, listening to the music I had on repeat in Nepal, wearing a shirt I bought in Nepal, watching videos I had taken of the children in Nepal...

Abort mission, people, freaking abort.

Thankfully, I snapped out of it, threw on a swimsuit, met a friend at the pool, and talked about Nepal with him while reading. It's all about doses. In my slow and agonizing process of slowly becoming an "adult", it's become apparent to me that I can only handle difficult things in doses. And I think that's how it should be.

I doubt that my most beneficial post-Nepal-processing will be done alone in an apartment. It will be done while swimming with friends, talking about whatever pieces of Nepal may cross my mind. Or reading in silence with my roommate, and being able to pipe up with a memory, whether pleasant or painful, and talk through it with her. That's a beautiful part of Christian community, knowing that I am free to speak up and process aloud what I am thinking, and be supported by the people I trust and adore.

This is a big weekend up in San Mateo, including the Olympic Party thrown every opening ceremony by Kim last night, and there was already a strong desire in me to be home for that. So when Azusa was beginning to look like a ghost-town for the weekend, my brain said "Margaret, let's get the heck out of here". And my heart said, "Amen, brain."

Thus, here we are. In a safe place for me to do whatever class-related things and Nepal-related things I need to.

Sidenote: I am in Azusa for a class, Cancer Biology, that I am taking independent study. So basically, I get all the information, study it on my own, and take the tests. I just took a test, and have a week or two before the next one. It's very self-designed and self-motivated, so basically it has the potential to be a DISASTER for someone like myself. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about it as it progresses.